Friday, September 9, 2011

Truth Blog: Keepin' it Real

I joined 20SB (20 Something Bloggers) recently, and although I haven't truly uncovered its possibilities, I have been inspired by the site.  Specifically, I now feel compelled to bare my soul in a "Truth Blog" so that y'all can see a different side of me.  As I was contemplating the idea, I thought about the fact that we all want to be as positive as possible and inspire people vs. bringing them down....I don't wanna make you cry- cuz then you might not come back :(  But then I realized that we all hate those perfect-too-happy-fake people and   I REALLY don't want to be one of THOSE.

So now...what shall I divulge?  
My past?  Nope that might be incriminating to me and those involved (mostly kidding. mostly)
My marriage?  Maybe- I mean we all have issues, buuuut I'm not sure the hubby is ready for this one...
Work? Heck NO- I don't even want to open that can of worms.  Let's just say that there is a lot of drama and I don't want to add more drama in case a few of my co-workers visit my blog.
My family?  One side is amazing, the other is a hot mess...I'll have to take some time on that one...
My insecurities?  Wait, wait, wait...did I just put in words that I have insecurities...why yes I did. Bingo.

I like to pretend that I don't have any insecurities.  Fake it till ya make it, right?  But I'm pretty sure it's human nature that we all have them.  You don't?...awkward...

Anywhoo, wanna know what they are?  You don't? ...even more awkward...Oh well, I'll just tell you anyways. ;)

1) That I may never find a single career that fulfills me completely.  There are lots of things that I am interested in, but each avenue has speed bumps and blind turns that hinder me from committing.  On top of that, with Will being in the Army and no end in sight to the Military moves, how am I supposed to find a job that will transfer me across the world?  It's very frustrating and makes me feel like I have no control over my life or our future.
I think I need this:

 2)I don't like when people don't like me, but I don't believe that it's in the narcissistic kinda way.  More like I don't want to feel awkward/be in awkward situations with said people.  I know-you know that feeling and it's totally unnecessary. Then on top of that I'm going to rack my brain for reasons why you don't like me, which will most likely add to my insecurities, and thus a vicious cycle begins.

3)  I'm not positive this counts as an insecurity, but I basically have an anxiety attack when people call me.  I will let the dang thing ring, stall and then text explaining that I'm in the middle of something.  *In case I have done this to any of you- I am sorry, but if you just text me then it won't ever be a problem *  No clue where this problem came from, and it was never an issue when I was younger and didn't have text messaging, but now it makes me feel like a hobbit.

4) Possibly the hardest for me to divulge: Maintaining my looks to keep up with my husband.  He's gorgeous, works out every day, can eat anything he wants and not gain a pound and will age gracefully.  I don't work out, I have to be very careful what I eat,  I can't stand the thought of drinking my calories away, Colorado altitudes are giving me wrinkles and if I got pregnant- I'd blow up like a balloon..I just know it.  That's a lot of pressure for this girl.
 It doesn't help that our society thinks that this is ok:

And just so that we end on a positive note, I just re-watched the movie Nine Months, and have a new appreciation of the meaning behind it.

Just like Hugh Grant, I believe that I am afraid of change and that I'm afraid to lose my youth and dedicate my life to a child.  So I guess my last insecurity is being afraid to grow up...I'm pretty sure that's asinine since I've graduated college, gotten married and am closer to 30 now than 20 (weird to admit that) , and yet- having a child befuddles me.  What's even more strange is that I found out recently that Will is totally ok with the idea.  Aren't guys supposed to be the ones afraid to have kids?  I guess I'll just let life take it's course.  That is- in due time.  A few more years of the simple life will be much appreciated!

I sincerely hope that you have found this helpful/entertaining.  If not- blame 20SB and not me ;)
By the way-
If you tell anyone that I admitted any of this- I will claim that my blog was hijacked.  


Zara said...

I know exactly what you mean about careers. I have a degree, and recently realized that I never actually want to work in that field. I've got an amazing job now, but don't know how to turn that into a career.

As for the phone. I HATE PHONE CALLS. I don't mind them as much when I know who is calling, but when it's some random person for work, I just ignore it. What I hate even more is people leaving voice mails. Please email or text. I will more than likely NEVER return your phone call. :-)

Janna Renee said...

Haha I don't even check my voice-mail so that it gets full and stays that way. Then people don't have a choice but to find another avenue to get a hold of me. What are you doing for work now? My degree is in English, so I can do a lot with it, but just not sure how yet!


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