Mom Paranoia

Hi. Remember me?
I'm still me, only different.
I'm a mom, but I still don't feel right using the title. Sure, I keep a fifteen pound bundle of joy alive and well, but I always assumed moms knew everything and could handle 'it all'. As the military say... "You don't know what you don't know," but now I am well aware of a LOT of things that I didn't know. We only survived because of family, friends that are nurses (thankfully on call 24/7), and Google. Dear, sweet, Google.

That's partially why I took an unplanned blog sabbatical, and then when you throw in a PCS (military move), deciding to buy another house, a renovation, and mom paranoia I'm sure it's obvious. I guess the mom paranoia isn't necessarily obvious, but that's where I am stuck. I've always felt a freedom in sharing our life story, and even when we were told to censor ourselves because of terrorists I felt compelled to continue on living our normal life and blogging about it. Now, however, I have become very protective over Miss Charlie and her online presence. It's the real reason that I stopped blogging, and went so far as to start a private Instagram account. I know it's completely normal to share our kiddos over social media since I've been enjoying other peoples children online for years, but for some reason I've been very reserved. I figured it was better to err on the side of caution than to regret it later, so I've been waiting to see if the feeling passes. Unfortunately, it's only gotten stronger.

She's been the center of our world for almost three hundred days, and I don't even think I've posted that many pictures via Facebook and Instagram combined in nine months. But don't worry, I've probably taken 9,000 PLUS for our own enjoyment, haha. In the end, I guess that's all that matters. She is a perfectly healthy and happy baby that has turned our world upside down, and she has most definitely become my favorite photo subject. Will is still a close second (don't tell him I said that), but I just can't help documenting every adorable thing she does.

So am I crazy? Am I just being paranoid? Please tell me this is just a phase, because I think I'm ready to start blogging again. I have soooooo much to tell you all, and I need to catch up on all of your lives too! I think of you all often, and I hope I haven't missed anything too important. Let me know if I have and send me links for fun stuff I missed.

We Have A One Month Old!

A month ago, the nurse told me that each day would get easier even if I couldn't see it day by day, and I am thankful to admit she was right. I've cried more days than not, and felt like I must be doing everything wrong more than I'd like to admit, but I feel like we've come so far since then that I'm slowly forgetting the root of all of the fears and 'baby blues'. As my love for her grows, everything seems to have begun falling into place and I can now have more of a sense of humor about all the ups and downs. Yep, love, a sense of humor, and savoring the little things seem to be the key. Here are some of the little things:

+ Her eyes have begun to lighten.

+ Loves to sleep on us, but especially Daddy.

+ I love that I can calm her by simply putting my hand on her chest. It's funny that I've been doing that to her daddy for years. Proof that he's trained me for motherhood well.

+ Tried to get her on a schedule, but she showed us who's boss. For now, we are just thankful she can sleep up to 5-6 hours at a time at night. Doc said let her sleep, so that's what we are doing even if it does mean changing the sheets.

+ She is strong, which she showed by almost ejecting herself out of the bucket during the newborn photos, and she's only gotten stronger since. Every time she holds her head up it blows my mind, and we love tummy time for more practice...even if sometimes her strength is fueled because she is mad I woke her up for tummy time. Sorry Charlie! Pun intended.

+ We can't believe she's already grown out of the Newborn Swaddles, hats, socks, and is even too long for some of the onesies. Speaking of the swaddles, she's also an escape artist and can get out of them no matter how good we swaddle her. This kind of defeats the purpose when she spends all night fighting them, but it still seems to be better than her flailing her arms around. I'd love any insight on this from other parents of escape artists.

I had actually posted a one month photo last week because I was going by weeks, but as Will kindly pointed out- we now have to go by months. Even worse...eventually we have to go by years. I know this is common sense, but I'm beginning to realize how fast time is going to fly and I don't like it one bit. Sure, there are days when I look forward to taking her to Disney World, school recitals, and getting to re-experience life with her, but I know that when those days come I'll be desperate for the memories of late night snuggles during feedings, her little fingers wrapped around mine, and yes...even the laughter caused when diaper changes go wrong. Charleston Quinn...you are a pretty cool chick so far. Keep it up.

Birth Story: The Best And Worst Day Of My Life

I still hold our wedding day as the best day of my life, but the day we brought a baby into the world together takes the title for "BEST and WORST Day of my life". Everyone kept telling me that my labor would be so easy, and the doctor even swaggered in thinking that it was going to be a breeze after bragging to my nurse friend that he wished all of his patients were like me. They said this would be a great labor experience with my health and fitness, however, that's not exactly how things turned out...but let's go back a few days.

On June 30th I went in for my last OB appointment a day after our original due date. I was 2 cm, 60% effaced, so we came to the agreement that we would Strip the Membranes {natural way to induce labor}, and if that didn't work, I would be scheduled for an induction. I hadn't wanted to be induced because that's just more drugs, but we also knew that leaving her in there for too long without knowing a true due date was a gamble too. So basically, we scheduled it, gave the family notice to head this way, and we were rarin' to go. My parents and Natalie {Charlie's Godmother} even arrived the night before, so we all had a nice dinner and a very sleepless night. Natalie and I giggled over the fact that we were basically having a sleepover like the old days, only now we were whispering about babies rather than  boys and instead of staying up until 4AM, we were getting up at that time to go to the hospital.

It didn't take long to check in, but emotions were high as we got the process started. Dressing gowns, IV's, Monitors, and going over and over the process filled the time until the doctor arrived, and then the Pitocin drip started about 8AM. Just in time for Will to finish up his academics and meet us at the hospital. {We couldn't have him missing class if we could help it!} Slowly the contractions started, and I realized that the day would not pass as quickly for everyone else as it was for me, so I sent them off to get some rest, which left time for Will and I to rest in between contractions. As you can imagine, we didn't have much success with that, so around 11:30 I was ready for the Epidural. I had been a little apprehensive about it, but I can honestly tell you that the lidocaine they use to numb you is the only thing that I felt. As a matter of fact, I didn't feel anything for the rest of the day and not in a good way. Well, good in that I wasn't feeling any pain, but bad because I didn't have any feeling from the ribs down. I was pretty worried when I touched anywhere below my ribs and I felt like I was touching a corpse. When they would move my legs I would say "What legs? I don't have any legs", and if only they had believed me...

Fast forward to 6:02pm, and the pushing began. I had no reference for how to push, but I listened to every bit of advice to start getting her down the birth canal. In spite of the fact that I had zero feeling, she was moving down and things were looking good up until we realized that she was turned to the side and didn't want to budge past my pelvic bone. After thirty minutes I suggested turning off the epidural, but the doctor seemed apprehensive. Instead, they pulled out extra handlebars, gave me every option known to man about how to push/pull/contort my body, and had Will and Natalie wrangling both my legs. This lead to another thirty minutes of pushing that got us nowhere until I could tell my doctor was getting frustrated. He was telling me to push where I felt his hand, so I told him I would if I could feel where he was pushing. I think it finally clicked that I did not have enough feeling to do what needed to be done and the epidural was then turned off. It would have been nice to take a break until it wore off, but nope...we kept pushing, and they kept telling me I was doing sooo great. I had to be on oxygen, was getting conflicting advice on how to push, and simply emotionally and physically drained, so I snapped back "I don't believe any of you". Luckily, it only took another thirty or so for me to tell that things were coming along, and as Natalie started getting bucked every time I pushed with growing strength in my legs, I at least felt like we were getting somewhere.

It was when I regained feeling in my abs that I knew we were in business. A nurse took over the leg opposite Will, and although I had barely any strength left, it only took one push for the doctor to realize it was time to pull out the safety net and put his delivery gown on. Two more pushes and he threatened mentioned that he may have to open me up to give her more room. Apparently that was just the push I needed to get her out, because he wasn't getting anywhere near me with those scissors. One more push and a tiny little human was placed on my chest. I was exhausted, they were sewing me up from a small tear on the left side, among a few other minor complications, but I could care less. I just was happy to be done with the hardest two hour workout I'd ever had in my life.

While they cleaned her across the room, we marveled at how long she was. We were thinking she would be 6 pounds and change, maybe 19 inches, and instead she was 7.13, 21 inches, and all legs! Actually, not all legs at the time because she had the WORST cone head I'd ever seen. I told Natalie to get her hat ready, because baby girl was not going to meet everyone like that. I know it's normal, but I totally had a "what have I done to my baby?!" moment. Poor thing hung out under my pelvic bone for so long that it was inevitable. I was only thankful that her face was perfect from being turned, and all that really mattered was she was healthy and loved.

Finally, once everybody had gone home, the three of us began our new life together. We clung to the natural instincts we didn't know we had, and hoped that would be enough to get us through the night, and well, the rest of her life.

Charlie's Newborn Photos!

Soooo I was going to hold out on these, but that would be pure torture for me. I drove all the way to Dothan with baby in tow on Monday just to get them, and I'll have you know I cried the whole way through the gallery Charlotte put together for us. I couldn't believe how incredibly beautiful they turned out with the two beings I love the most as the focus, and mostly...I was blown away by how much she has changed in her two {almost three} weeks of life.

Things are hard when you have a newborn, but having moments like these to look back on will make it all worthwhile. People constantly ask how things are with our little bundle of joy, and I reply "Hard, but we are lucky she's so darn cute, so I don't mind!" We love you Charlie bug! Even if you do keep us up all night.

Here Comes Peter Cottontail...

If you are on baby watch, we've made it another week without any indication that miss thang will make her appearance. Technically, my doctor was supposed to begin checking me for dilation two weeks ago, but a) I'm not ready for that process {they have to get all up in your cervix and that is just as uncomfortable as it sounds}, and b) he has seen no indication that I've been remotely close to starting this labor.

I'm happy to say we have crossed all the must haves off the list to bring her home, so if I can make it through this next week I have no doubt in my mind the rest will fall into place. However, I still haven't made it to that 'cleaning phase' that everyone talks about, so we will see how that goes. I told Will that worst case scenario, if I go into labor the first thing he needs to do is call someone to clean. I know we will have family in town and the last thing I want to worry about is them showing up to a messy house. I know most relatives would understand, but you don't know how much of a cleaning nazi my grandmother is. Oy vey.

One of the main reasons I wanted to at least make it this far was that our friend Jo's baby shower was this weekend, and I was kinda in charge of decor. I had it all ready for them in case I did go into labor, but luckily I was able to attend the event and stuff my face. The theme was Peter Cottontail, which I happen to think turned out beautifully with help from Hannah's bomb.com diaper cake, and in an unrelated note...Karie made me Jo a watermelon cake again!

It's funny, when Jo told me she was pregnant, I was super happy for her but thanked my lucky stars that we were still child free. Little did I know...I was not only pregnant, but three weeks ahead of her. Whoops. Well, at least we got to go through this together and now we are both in the home stretch. The gang is actually taking bets to see which of us will pop first since she's already having contractions, so I'm just gonna guess we go into labor together. Women 'cycle' together, so maybe we've synced up our pregnancies too. Man what a great story that would be if our betrothed children are also born together.

Dear Sweet, Wonderful Hubby

I have to admit that my hormones definitely showed up this weekend. I mentioned that I wouldn't mind going to 'town' to run some errands on Sunday and Will was fine with it, but come Sunday...no Dothan. I had it in my head that we should go early with things closing early on a Sunday, but he had planned to organize the garage first {for me, I should add} and when the day got away from us and we ended up spending zero time together my hormones came out to play. Luckily, I just got weepy and mainly got in my own way while Will was being so sweet and accommodating, but there was no denying what was going on.

Cue to this morning and on a surprise Tuesday off, he asked me on a day date to go to Dothan for lunch and baby shopping! It was a gorgeous day, he participated in the decision making but didn't complain when I got lost in the clearance racks, and I ended up with the afternoon off, so it even turned into watching movies, napping, putting together baby furniture, and to close out the day I even got to watch him play softball with the gang. I had had a to-do list a mile long, but I'm glad I just let spontaneity take over while we still have the chance. 

Dear Will,

Some people wish they had someone to cook and clean for, take care of, do laundry for, someone to laugh at their jokes that aren't always funny{I'm referring to my jokes because yours are always funny}, and I hope to never take that for granted. Thank you for being on a healthy kick which is helping me make the right choices, for wanting to be healthy to live longer for her, not noticing the big belly in between us when you 'check me out', and simply the patience you have with me including spending hours baby shopping. You have helped more with the nursery than you know, and this creative side I've seen coming out in your ideas for her has been truly sexy inspiring. You keep holding me when I'm emotional, and I'll do my best to be mindful of anymore hormone swings so I don't take it out on you. We haven't had much of a learning curve, but I think we are doing good. About a month left, and WE'VE GOT THIS.

Baby Shower #2!

When you are pregnant it seems like everyone's knocked up. Seriously, Friends near and far, including my friend Amanda from the Spouse Club. Because we are both 'with child', some of the club ladies wanted to have a little dual shower for us, and it was Ahhh-mazing. Plus way less pressure with two four of us sharing the lime light.

{Thank goodness Amanda is having a boy because it made it so easy for them to nix the pink!}

They held it in one of our gorgeous Community Centers on Post, which was a treat since we don't get the privilege while living off post, On top of that, the best party planners of the group decorated and whipped up some bomb.com food and desserts. I may have taken home two strawberry cakes, four chocolate cupcakes with homemade cream cheese frosting, and a rather large piece of Pistachio cake...but who's counting? I promise I haven't even finished two cupcakes yet, so I am rationing.

I still can't believe we have made such amazing friends here at Fort Rucker, and all of these folks genuinely care about our family and our baby girl. I realized this Saturday that if we were stationed somewhere else right now it would be a completely different scenario, and I can't imagine having her anywhere but here. We don't have the option to live in our hometown and have all the family, but we truly have found a new family here, and I couldn't ask for more!
Thanks again to all the ladies from both showers!

She's Got Leeegs...She Knows How To Use Them!

Countless times, I've met bloggers and they've been surprise at how short I am. I'm {almost} 5'4, but for some reason I have come off tall through blogging. I'm not going to question it, but maybe it's because I've always had long legs, as you can see in the following picture.

I show you that picture first to prove that I was a somewhat cute kid. However, I will be the first to tell you that I was NOT a cute baby. Sure, you ask my mom and I was the cutest, but I was a toeheaded chunkamonk until at least my 1st birthday. Proof:

Leave it to my first babysitter to have the most incriminating photos for me. She's been tagging me in tons of throwbacks lately, and I really am loving it. She said she will make copies and send them to me, so then I really have to share some doozies. Many memories and people that I couldn't comprehend, but now I cherish. This is why I love pictures, people.

Now let's just hope Charlie gets my legs and blonde hair, but the rest can come from Will. I'd give her my Hazel eyes, but Will's blues will do. No matter what, she will be pure perfection in my eyes, and as long as she's healthy...we are blessed.

I Love Talking Finances

I think this is the first time in our marriage that Will and I have slept apart for more than one night while in the same house. Every now and then it's happened for one reason or another, but the last couple of nights he chose to sleep in the guest bedroom to keep Charlie and I safe from his cold. This is crazy to me because we've never let illness keep us apart or even stop us from kissing, and yet it's different now...As with everything else in our life, it's all about her and being healthy for her. I did try to take care of him when he would let me, and I even made Chicken Noodle Soup from scratch {homemade broth and all} to boost both of our immune systems. All I know is I'm going to snuggle him so hard tonight! 

Ooooh yeah, I'm two for two on the Choose Your Own Adventure Link Up! I guess it helps that I HAVE to be goal oriented during the biggest transition in our lives, so whatever works. Let's see how we did on April's Financial Goals, shall we...

Create a Baby Fund. CHECK. I haven't technically transferred the money into the Baby Fund, but the account has been set up and the money has been put away. Close enough.

Build a House Emergency Fund on top of our regular savings. Sort of CHECK. Again, the account has been setup, but I want to pay our savings back for some of the costs we incurred on top of Closing Costs. After a few months, we will be square and then the fund will begin. Until then, we have our regular savings and an extra mutual fund that's our 'emergency- emergency' fund worst case scenario.

Track every penny spent on CQB, and try to stick to the plan of buying the majority of the things we need after the second shower. CHECK. I could put sorta for this one too, because this next baby shower is more of a celebration for myself and another spouse {I'm stoked for a dual shower}, but will not be the type of shindig that warrants me worrying about buying stuff off the registry. However, I have been scoring when it comes to the Fort Rucker Classifieds sites, so we have gotten $100's and $100's of dollars worth of stuff for chump change. We even got a BOB stroller for $150. Whoop whoop!

Sell everything that's not nailed down in this house. CHECK. This has been going really well. My goal was to sell up to the amount that I thought we'd make at a garage sale and call it quits, but it's been so lucrative that I've kept going. I have been donating in the process, but I've pretty much offset all my baby spending with this income. The best part is that we haven't even gotten to the garage yet. Cha-ching.

May's Goal: READ I particularly like this one because I need to finish reading all the baby books I've started, make it through the stack of parenting magazines piled up, and catch up on blog reading. I should add go to the library as a goal, though. I have two pre-tty overdue books that need to be rechecked out asap. I wish our library charged us late fees because then I have a reason to be on time.
How about you? Working on any goals these days?

You Can Only Climb One Mountain At A Time

Will has been doing quite well during his Blackhawk training, and I couldn't be more proud. Yes, I always say that, but it's still always going to be true. This segment of Flight School is the last thing standing between us and getting back to a somewhat normal life, and although I'm not in a rush to move with a new baby, I am ready for our next adventure. I guess I've got the itch to move again, which is strange coming from a person that never ever ever planned on moving out of Florida. Remind me I said this when I complain about packing and pulling my hair out.

Anywhosit, today is his first Blackhawk Check Ride, and I want to wish him luck. By the way, a check ride is basically an oral test that you take while simultaneously flying an aircraft, which sounds terrible to me. I know he knows his stuff and all of his instructors are always pleased with his progression, so I just hope for good weather, a good aircraft, and good vibes. While most of the other guys are mentally checking out because all they have to do is pass right now, Will is pushing himself more than ever and that's why I'm so proud I married him.

While he's off flying helicopters, he says my 'job' these days is planning for the baby. Technically I should be cleaning the house and whatnot too, but eh...a little dust never hurt anyone. Plus, this baby planning is kind of intense. I know it will all work out, but the planner side of me is agonizing over every decision. Some may not see these as hard decisions, but they have been in the forefront of my mind for months. I've even asked you all for help on these decisions and now some have finally been made!

#1 Chose a Maternity/Newborn Photographer.

I've never actually paid a photographer to do pictures for us. Most of them we do ourselves with my tripod and remote, and back in Colorado there were a few photographers that offered to do it for free. I think photographers are wonderful and well worth the money, but I just couldn't see paying 'investing' for just the two of us when I could do it myself. {Sidenote: Most people should NOT do their own photos, and please book my lovely photographer friends so that they don't get mad at me for saying that...} However, when it comes to something as important as maternity and newborn photos we agreed we will shell out the big bucks for something we will treasure forever. Here's how I decided, and it's important to consider these things when you are considering ANY photographer for ANY event.

Style You could be the most beautiful person in the world, but if the photographer you pick has a different style than you are looking for, you will probably hate your pictures. It could even be as simple as they get a little overzealous with Photoshop, but if there's something that you don't like about their portfolio, then don't book them. I like more natural photographers, and I LOVE Backlit and Sunset photography, so I chose a photographer in that style.

Experience Unless a photographer shoots you for experience and free, they better have a portfolio. Also, you want them to have experience with the type of photos you need. You wouldn't book someone without wedding experience for a wedding, and this applies across the board. I wanted to work with one photographer for both maternity and newborn, so they needed experience with both, and more importantly, I wanted them to have a portfolio that featured both to ensure that they had the experience they touted. 

Location You may want indoor, outdoor, or a specific location, and if you book someone that can't or won't accommodate, you will be sorely disappointed. Since I'm from the beach and we are within driving distance, I immediately set my heart on beach maternity pics, but finding a photographer that would travel and have experience with the beach proved difficult. Just don't give up, because it is possible, and she's not even charging me a travel fee.

Bang for your buck Just because a photographer has high prices, doesn't mean they are worth your money, and vice versa...just because a photographer is 'reasonable' aka cheap, doesn't mean they are worth your money or time. Find someone that fits the above criteria and offers you a decent amount of time, outfits, edited photos, rights to your photos, etc. Besides the fact that I wanted the same photographer so that we were more comfortable, I also found that most photographers offer a package for more than one session. The ones around here were still charging a pretty penny considering they didn't offer many edited photos, some wouldn't travel, and most seemed restrictive on outfits and time, but then I went to a Baby Expo Saturday and found one that fit ALL my criteria including DOUBLE the edited photos that anyone else was offering, she was flexible, and dependable.

#2 Deciding on a Mattress for the crib.
Okay, so this one was waaaaaaay harder. My grandparents sent us one with the crib, and although it was great...I read so many articles about SIDS and mattresses, that I knew I had to make sure we had the right one. {If you are reading...sorry, Papa!} I asked everyone I knew, read every blog that had reviews, and read through guide after guide before I could even come close to making a decision. I know for a fact that most people don't stress over this as much as I did, but better safe than sorry in my mind. Sweet Kathryn gave me a great suggestion, but while I couldn't find her exact one, it led me to the Simmons Kids Beautyrest Beginnings Sleepy Whispers Ultra Deluxe 2 n 1 Crib and Toddler Mattress. It sounds expensive, but it was super reasonable at less than $140 compared to the $300 Naturepedic I thought about getting. We received it already, and I'm pretty darn pleased. One step closer to having a fully functioning nursery! Too bad she may not sleep in it before we move.

Next On My List: Bassinet Mattress, Diapers/Wipes/Skincare, Sun Dome/Pop up for the beach. Any suggestions you may have are always appreciated, and I love any and all advice. Only two months left, so it's crunch time, people.

Top Secret Dates

I can't tell you where we were, I can't tell you what we were doing, but I can tell you that Friday was one of the coolest date nights of all time. I guess you could say it was a bring your wife to work type thing that we were allowed to do, but we aren't always allowed to post pictures when it involves sensitive training equipment and we'd rather be safe than sorry. I promised Will I wouldn't share the other pictures, but I had to share this one because he looks so dreamy.

Not that the rest of the weekend could top it, but it did shape up to be fun-filled. I went to my first Maternity and Baby Expo where we got tons of free stuff, asked a lot of questions, and even booked our Maternity/Newborn photographer. I had no idea that events like this go on, but boy am I glad they do. Although, let's not get into Group B Strep.

After that, I tried to rest for a bit because we were hitting the town for Loni's Birthday, and by town I mean that we drove all the way to Dothan. Loni and I have been friends since we moved to Fort Rucker and we started out as the only two girls in the group. We will forever be Mama Loni and Mama Janna, so I was super stoked to plan birthday festivities for her. Who doesn't want to get all dressed up, eat fine dining Italian {let me tell ya...Bella's was worth every penny}, and play with baby Quincy the newest member of our clan.

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I basically go through my closet and wear whatever I can manage to fit in to get one more wear out of it before it gets packed away. I was a little apprehensive to wear the little blue number, but I must say...it was pretty fun to wear. Will seemed to approve and when we got to the brewery it was funny to notice the comments as I walked by. Normally I would feel super uncomfortable about people being so vocal, but hey...when you've got a baby bump you flaunt it, and at least they were all along the lines of "I wish I looked like that pregnant." Music to a pregnant girl's ears.

Of course, everyone was hungover on Sunday {not I}, so we whipped up family breakfast and watched Disney movies all day. I may or may not have eaten four pieces of Red Velvet cake between Saturday and Sunday, but in my defense I cut small pieces and those just didn't cut it, which meant two more small pieces. Yep. I'm gonna round down to two pieces.

Now I need to save all my energy for this coming weekend. We've got an anniversary to celebrate and Will surprised me with tickets to Toadlick! I already know I'm going to need a break after two weeks of nonstop activities, but I guess I wanted to do as much as we could pre-baby and I got what I asked for. I think "Be careful what you wish for" applies here.