Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Confession: I Was Once A Stripper

I have a major blog crush on Kathy from Vodka And Soda, so I decided to have a little confess sesh with her. Plus it always feel good to have a little confession.

I confess...I was an English major, but I couldn't teach you how to use grammar. My major mostly focused on Literature, so I could read and I write a damn good research paper {IMO}, but if you asked me to break down the nouns/adjectives/adverbs, past participles, or sentence structure I use, I would not be smarter than a fifth grader. I have saved my textbooks from ENC101-02, which means there is hope. One day, I will refresh those old skills that I bluffed my way through.



I confess... I found wine from my favorite vineyard in Napa and bought six bottles, and then saw my favorite ketchup at Kooter Brown's and stole one. Yep, you read that right...I took that ish from the table and stuffed it in my purse. Basically, I'm a lush that enjoys her lycopene. I guess you could say I'm a tidge bit of a ketchup freak that usually uses Heinz, but I just can't say no to Monarch Ketchup!

I confess... I had more fun with my Grandma at the senior center than I have in a long while. I mean, the sex talks made me blush, but as they pointed out- I'm married too.

I confess... I still run to Grandma's house when I'm having a bad day. It's THE best thing in the world, and I spent a whole day last week with BOTH Grandmas. It will go down in history as one of the best days of my life.

And last, but not least...
I confess... I was once a stripper. You see, someone at the grocery store once put a quarter in my diaper, and apparently, I got a kick out of it. From then on, all the cashiers would pass baby-me around and fill my diaper with change each time we visited the grocery store. Dad said he made out like a bandit, and just made sure my diaper was a fresh one before we went in. Don't hate the playa hate the game.

Poor Maddy will have to find some other way to pay for college, because she doesn't like ANYTHING in her diaper. Little miss priss is lucky she's so darn cute ;)


What's on your mind to confess? It's okay if you confess you want to steal Maddy. I wouldn't judge you for it, because I want to take her back to Enterprise with me ;)


27 comments:

Eva Marie Taylor said...

The puzzle has been solved: that's what bartenders need to increase their tips...a baby in a bar! And that must be some damn good ketchup!

Myra said...

Lololol to the baby stripper you were! That is genius. I'm going to have to remember this when I have kids, haha.

Michael said...

Love confessions posts :) A lush who lukes her lycopene... I love it! I've been trying to cut down on my ketchup intake. It was bad. Maddy is absolutely adorable. Steal her anyway, no one will fault you.

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

oh, maddie is ADORABLE!! i want to squish those cheeks!!

you're so lucky you still have grandparents! they're the best at making you feel so much better.

thanks for linking up :)

-kathy | Vodka and Soda

Katherine Annika Cutar said...

I like this post! And I love your blog! Followed you here and on Bloglovin as well. I hope you'd check my blog too and follow-back. :)

xx
http://www.thesenestedthoughts.blogspot.com

P!nky said...

You are too cute! I love this!

I've stolen from a restaurant before, it's okay. { I think it was relish?}

Monica L said...

Haha that quarter thing is super cute!

The Pink Growl said...

You are too funny! I have a blog crush on Kathy too - love her!

Helene in Between said...

haha!! i was like where is this going, but i like that. you gotta do what you gotta do!

Mandie said...

I have weekly dinners with my grandparents so I know how great it is to sit vent to the grandparents about life. :)

Liliana xo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Liliana xo said...

I love chats with my Grandmother, sometimes she says things that are so embarrassing but you can't help but laugh and enjoy the moment with her. Maddy is so adorable!

Liliana @ lilixoana.com

Kate @ Another Clean Slate said...

Now I feel like I need to try this amazing ketchup!

Jessica @ Wonder Whats Next said...

I'm a ketchup snob too! Heinz is my fave, but I've never heard of Monarch!

Brianne said...

"you smell like a baby prostitute" came to mind. LOL that is a cute story. Although I want to know what was going through the first person's mind when they said "hey, let me put a quarter in this baby's diaper!"

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

I'm a Heinz girl through and through, I've never had Monarch.

I miss talks with my Grandmom. Enjoy!

Whitney @ EHFAR said...

I was waiting to see where this was going hahaha.. I'm a ketchup snob too. Heinz all the way. Never heard of Monarch either.

Jen said...

I love this post! Don't feel bad I was a stripper when I was little too haha.

Em said...

LOL baby stripper! Hilarious. I just started linking up with Kathy too! LOVE confession posts :D. Love your blog, girl!

Tricia Coniglio said...

I like the ketchup with no high fructose corn syrup and no preservatives and it is kinda tough to find so if I found it on a table top I might be so inclined as to claim it for my own.

I have a lovely salt & pepper shaker made to look like Corona bottles. Courtesy of some restaurant, can't remember well but they suit me great!

AiringMyDirtyLaundry said...

I'm always tempted to take the sauce from Texas Roadhouse. It's SO good.

I only know basic grammar. It makes me twitch when I see people write your welcome. I want to say, "Are you being serious in thinking that's right?"

Cece said...

Baby stripper. Love that story! I think it's so cool you (and a lot of people) have relationships with their grandparents. I've never known mine.

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

You so scandalous, dolla dolla bills! Never heard of Monarch but I love Heinz. Love when Grandmas just say whatever the heck they want to, give me hope I will be a trash talking, dirty talking old lady!

Nicole said...

I agree it's great to run to grandma when you're having a bad day! So awesome you still have both of your grandmas!

Jaclyn @ Love And Bellinis said...

You little hussy! Haha that story is awesome! My husband won't eat any ketchup other than heinz...I wonder if he's tried this one you stole?!

Sandy said...

Have the baby hold a cup so people can put the change in that. She is sooo cute!

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

Hahahaha! The story about you as a baby cracked me up!

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