Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Behind The Scenes

Scene Round 2 of the Choctawhatchee River


Behind The Scene I almost didn't go because of the 'face issue' I'm still having.

How sad is that? I keep asking myself when I became so vain that I'm letting this reaction, symptom, acne, or whatever it is, control my life. It's just...I've never even had acne, so now having this at twenty-eight, and not knowing what this is...it's killing me. I've been to my PCM, OBGYN, Dermatologist, and an esthatician, and not one of them has yet to come up with a clear diagnosis. I could go on for days about what they think it could be, the tests they have me doing, trial and error of products, and the list of medications, but that will just cause me more anxiety, so I'll spare you too. I'm pretty sure I've seemed a bit distant lately, and this is why. I've been overcome with feelings of anxiety from the BC coupled with the steroids, antihistamines, antibiotics, tests, and the fact that none of it has gotten me anywhere. I can't sleep through the night because I'm trying not to touch my face or rub it in the pillow, I don't want to go outside because the humidity definitely makes it worse, I can only put makeup on if I want  my eyes and face in general to swell up, and I suffer in silence because I don't want everyone to see how vain I feel. Vain and melodramatic...



As you can see in the pictures, it probably wasn't as noticeable as I thought that day, so I'm happy that I didn't let a few spots on my face hold me back. Obviously, I need to keep that in mind. I have so freakin' much to be thankful for, so I'm trying to focus my attention on the good things- my hubby, Weiser, our healthy family, our new friends, and USA beat Ghana...need I say more? For now, all I can do is soak in the good days, and try not to put so much emphasis on the bad.


My perfect skin is no longer perfect, but if I have to have a health issue, I guess it could be worse. Just cross your fingers this isn't a symptom of PCOS or something worse. I know most of you want us to eventually have babies, and PCOS would definitely be a hindrance in that process. But hey...the struggle is real.


22 comments:

Jenn said...

You look perfect! I can't see anything. BUT I do know how it feels to feel self conscious about something that you have no control over. I hope it all gets better for you soon as I know that'll make you feel more like yourself! :)

P!nky said...

Ugh, skin problems are the worst and girl, you aren't vain for worrying about them. I'm so glad you decided to go hang out, but can totally understand feeling off because of a condition that no one can help you with.

I hope they figure things out soon, so you can go back to normal, without crazy hormones!

love you!

Jen said...

You look beautiful! I love your swimsuit.

Helene in Between said...

umm your skin looks great! not just saying that!! but i understand not feeling your best!

Fran @ Sassy Southern Bride said...

I have been THROUGH IT with acne and derms. I wish you lived closer so I could recommend mine b/c she is a lifesaver. It is awful and DOES really affect one's self confidence. I hope you get this figured out soon!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

I think we're always our own worst critic. I don't see anything, but that's not to say there's not hing there that YOU notice. That said it's an awful feeling to just feel really uncomfortable with yourself. Hang in there!

Cece said...

It's hard not to feel self conscious when your skin is acting up. I had always had perfect skin too until I had this crazy bout with acne in my late 20's. I've had it about 3 times and every time I just wanted to hide my face from the world. You feel like it's the only thing people can see and it makes you feel bad about yourself. The upside is you look great without make up. So just let your skin breathe and really, really hope they can figure out how to calm it down. For me it was just something that had to run it's course and when it came I just had to let it happen because all the zit zappers in the world did nothing for it. Now when I break out every now and then I just let it do it's thing until it's ready to go away.

Jamie said...

You're so pretty! I see NOTHING on your face. Xoxo

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

Hope they figure what is causing it soon. I think you look beautiful but I totally get not feeling comfortable when you don't feel your best.

Kim said...

Your outlook on all of this is wonderful! I know what it's like to feel the way you're feeling and it is no fun. I hope things get better for you soon. :)

Kenzie Smith said...

I don't see anything in the photos, I think you look fine! I know what you mean about being self conscious about it though. Whenever I have a pimple pop up I feel like that is all people can see when I go out in public. Glad you aren't letting it get you down!

Sydney Eyrich said...

Have they tried putting you on a different BC? And, I agree with the others, your skin looks wonderful in the pictures! Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

I hear you. I had perfect skin (like flawless, perfect) until just a couple of years ago. Now it's not bad by any means. I think it's probably just normal (small breakouts just before my period usually). But I was SO self conscious when that first started happening because I was used to my skin always being perfect. So I understand that.

Also, if it is PCOS, you aren't alone. My doc diagnosed me with that a couple of years ago. And all three of my sisters have PCOS and the two married sisters BOTH have kids! One of them used Clomid (to make you ovulate) and she got pregnant quickly on that and the other one just played the waiting game and it took about 3 years to get pregnant with each child. So all that is to say - it does stink, but at least it's not an end-all-be-all to the whole kid question. I know I am talking your ear off about something you might not even have, but if you hear that you do and want to talk about it more, I'm here for you!

Jamie @ You Gotta Have Hart said...

You look great! Thankfully I have never had much of a skin problem until lately.. being that Melanoma runs in my family-- OVER-runneth (My mother has it in her lymph nodes, father, mother, sister, brother, aunt, etc).. I've just realized that I have bad and painful squamous cells that need to be looked at and removed. Bad thing is, when they lance/biopsy, they dig WAY around the cell and it's painful and I'm a wuss. Chances are they are going to see all the moles I've been hiding and want to catch those suckers too. I'd rather just IGNORE them and forget they exist.

Amanda said...

I think you look great! I know it definitely doesn't help when you have spots on your face... but I've suffered from it for years. You just gotta put a smile on and rock it. Most likely others will not even notice!

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

I think you look beautiful girl, life is to short to let a little skin problem get in the way. Although I am super self conscious about my body in general so I know how you fill. Try not to let it hold you back to much and get out there and enjoy every day to the fullest!!!

Nicole said...

Nevertheless, you are still pretty. My gorgeous 11 year old niece has acne all over her face. I noticed it and I thought "Gosh, freaking pimples. Shes at that age.. Its noticeable.." But I bypassed it and saw her huge blue eyes, blonde hair and beautiful innocent face. Shes still the same sweet, smart, beautiful kid and always will be. I know it's hard. I've gone through the same thing on my facial skin. I know it's hard since.. well.. everyone looks at your face. But I've thought screw it. If that person is gonna judge or laugh at that issue, screw him or her. Cause theres more to me then that. Then a flaw.

I think us women overally appericate some of our greatest perfections of all and we need to adapt to changes to the reality of that those few things aren't as perfect as we thought.

Your fine. Believe me. As long as you are true to yourself, nothing else matters.

Jayme and Mendi said...

We think you look fabulous!! But skin issues are so personal. Glad you went and it looks like you had an amazing time. You and your hubby are so cute!!

Jayme & Mendi @ Her Late Night Cravings

Pamela said...

I think you look gorgeous as always! Love your bathing suit!

Nicole said...

Oh I'll bet you're just fine :). Adult Acne happens to the best of everyone :)

Kait said...

You guys looks great! My acne has been HORRIBLE recently..and I can't stop picking at it which makes it worse.

Amy said...

I can relate to this sooooo much. I think my confidence is in myself as a person, but anytime something happens that makes me feel self conscious on the outside, it huuuurts. I'm definitely working on that!

And you look beautiful, btw! Thank you for sharing this with us. <3

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