Friday, May 16, 2014

I Fell In Love With His Sense Of Humor

And today, I will show you a peek into how he makes me laugh on a daily basis. Get some tissues, because you may laugh till you cry. Just sayin'.

Will: What are you doing?
Me: Documenting the funny shit you say for the blog.
Will: I never agreed to this, you trollop.
Will: Where's the remote? Move your big butt.
Will: When you're gone {read: dead}, I'm going to buy every car I've ever wanted.
Me: You know I plan on dying first, so what you do with the money is all on you.
Will: Don't worry, I'll leave them to your brother when I die.
Will: You know how I know I love you? I went makeup shopping on MY Birthday.
Will: So what is Universal gonna do with the Harry Potter park now that the movies are done?
Me:'s never not going to be a 'thing'.
Will: But there aren't anymore books either?
Me: And you call yourself a Harry Potter fan, tsktsk. You think you know a guy...
Will: I kinda love you.
Me: I kinda love you too.
Will: I know, I just have to keep you in check or you will get a big head.
Me: You better love me.
Will: Of course I do, remember that time in 2010 where I said I love you?
Me: You mean the time I told you I loved you and you didn't say it back?
Will: No that was 2008, and you sprung that on me. I meant the time we got married, now you are just making it weird.
Will: I just need you to be cold, because if you're cold, I'm comfortable.
Me: I don't get as mad like I used to because you've calmed me down.
Will: You're welcome.
Me: No, you're welcome.
Will: I feel like you walked me into that...
Me: Have you ever been in a helicopter?
Will: How do you think we got everywhere while we were deployed?
Me: {Hangs head in shame} Wow...what a blonde moment.
On the way to Denny's after we called the cops on our drunk neighbors...
Will: You can speed through here. All the cops are all at our house.
Buck: There were only 2 cop cars.
Will: That's all the cops Fountain has.
Upon reaching Denny's...
Will: The cops were just at my house.
The hostess: You must be doing illegal things at your house.
Will: What I do at my house is my business.
Hostess: Booth or table.
Will: Both.
Hostess: {takes us to a half booth with chairs}
Will: Well played, madam.
Will: I wanna do pizza tomorrow night.
Me: Okie doke
A half hour later....
Will: And I want a burger.
Me: Ok
Will: But we can't do them in the same day.
Me: Well technically, we can get a cheeseburger pizza from Papa Johns'.
Will: Don't change the subject- I want Cheeburger Cheeburger. {exasperated sigh} Great, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight thinking about Pizza and burgers!
Me: Good job, champ.
Neighbor: {Revs engine}
Me: Seriously, where is he going?
Will: He's a 20 something year old man, he's going out. Calm down.
Me: {dumbfounded look}
Will: First of all, it's 9:30 and we used to go out late at night too. Second of all, quit acting like you are a 60 year old woman, and calm the eff down.
Me: Takes one to know one.
Joel: Why do I burn myself on pizza EVERY time?
Will: I used to be that way, but since I don't have the fortitude to wait for pizza to cool on my own, my wife just won't let me have it until it's cooled.
Joel: If only I had someone to care about me that much.

And here's why I wonder how this SAHW thing will go...

Will: It's your responsibility as a SAHW to keep me fed.
Me: I'm still working for another month.
Will: FEED ME.
Will: Oh, and my second stipulation is that your uniform is a bikini.
Me: So what happens if I say no?
Will: You get a write-up.
Me: Three write-ups and I'm fired?
Will: No, silly. Three write-ups and you lose an article of clothing.
Will: For the first time since I met you, I'll be making more money so you do as I say.
Will: You need to stop stressing about the move, and start worrying about what you are making me for dinner.
Will: You owe me big time, SAHW.
Me: Huh?
Will: I packed our moving truck in below zero temps.
Me: Exhibit A- I was outside packing and cleaning in zero temps too, and B- this move is for your career not mine.
Will: Well, I'm your boss now so my career pays your salary.
Me: Seriously?

On the flip side...

Will: {opens the fridge} You already bought and re-stocked beer?
Me: Yep.
Will: I apologize for underestimating you, madam.
Me: Don't let it happen again.
Will:'re really painting.
Me: What did you think was going to happen after we shopped for paint and primer at Lowe's?
Will: I thought it was going to be a project we planned on doing that never actually happens.
Me: Now that I'm an SAHW I can do things like this.
Will: That is a very valid statement. I happen to love all of your projects, and I'm just happy that I don't have to be the one doing it.
Will: Where are you going?
Me: To check the laundry, make you lunch, and set the coffee maker.
Will: That sounds like a lot of work.
Me: You are a lot of work.
Will: I find that it's a yin and yang kind of thing. I outweigh the negatives with the positives.
Me: One of the hardest jobs I have is keeping your negatives in check.
Will: That's why I married you. Duh.
At least he knows...

At least I can say that there is never a dull moment in our house. He's been making me laugh since 2007, and it's a good thing, because I find a sense of humor extremely sexy. 
How 'bout you?


Diane Costanza Studio said...

You are both utterly charming, together!

Kaileigh said...

I love this! So funny.

P!nky said...

Theses are so cute. Men say the darndest things ;)! Everything we say is charming :)!

Jenn said...

bahahaha, I love these! So funny :) And so important to have a man who makes you laugh. I fell in love with MG for the same reason :)

Kathy@MoreCoffeeLessTalky said...

hahaha i love it. in all the years i've been with my husband (total years together 15, married for 10), the secret to a happy marriage are 2 things: laughter and communication. we're always joking around (and by joking, i mean mocking duh) and we say what we mean. looks like you guys are on your way to many many years of happiness since you both know how to kid around and laugh.

Vodka and Soda

Meredith @ Barbell Wardrobe said...

These are some of the best 'situations' i've ever read. Y'all are cute and love the humor!

Rach said...

Hahaha! You two are so cute! His humor reminds me a lot of Christopher's. :)

Mandie said...

The convo with the gal at Denny's cracks me up! "Well played, madam." Tee hee!

Helene in Between said...

hahaha i love his SAHW stipulations! michael would likely say the same thing haha

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

Humor is what makes my relationship go. It's very important to both of us!

This was cute.

Jen said...

Hahaha he reminds me of Kyle!

♥ ♥ Just a Girl in Love w/ a Soldier ♥ ♥ said...

You two are so cute!!!!

Samantha said...

I love that he said don't worry about the move, worry about my dinner. Haha. These were really cute.

Anonymous said...

Oh, this is the cutest thing! Sense of humour is an absolute muuuuuust!

Semper Ag said...

These are SO funny!!! I just sat here reading through these in tears.

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Reading through this...I think YOU are the funny one. LOL

Kate @ Daffodils said...

He is so funny- I love it!

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

These were too cute! Love your sense of humor! The Denny's one and the cheeseburger pizza were funny!! I notice food was a big theme! ;)

Ashleigh said...

I love this too no end.. Hello fun post :)

Jen Mc said...

You two are hilarious! And yes - keep documenting the "funny shit" that's said.
Totally had me laughing reading this.

Megan Wadsworth said...

Y'all are adorable. I love this.

Brittany said...

omygosh I love this. You both are too funny.

Meghan said...

LOVE this! You guys are hilarious together!

Courtney B said...

He sounds so much like Eric!! Eric has mentioned more than once, in an entirely too dreamy voice, the cars he will buy when I pass on...
And your lucky Will expects your uniform to be a bikini, Eric's "demand" is even more revealing than that. Ha!


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